woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
