Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
