before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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