you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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