she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
