I wish my penis had an off switch
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
