So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All the doctor said was why
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize