i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
