i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
