Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
