I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
