Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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