thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
