my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
