so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
