So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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