I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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