Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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