Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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