I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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