you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
