Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize