I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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