the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
