Michael Bay diarrhea
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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