Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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