I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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