i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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