Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this boner is exhausting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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