My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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