Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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