Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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