Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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