I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
