booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
