How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
