True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want nice things and good sex
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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