My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
