nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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