Nicole vs. Life
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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