I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
