If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
