Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
