Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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