I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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