woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
