he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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