in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
