Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
