Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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