i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am available for nakedness
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
