my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
