Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize