A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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