I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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