it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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