Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
