My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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