guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
