You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
