I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
