Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
