Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
