Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
