hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
