a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Panties = found
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
