Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
