just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
