ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am available for nakedness
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
