Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize