I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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