Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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