the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
