will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
