I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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