wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
