I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
