so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
