everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've blown a few things in my day
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
