I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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