how can u be prego again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
