Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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