? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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