You're my little dorito
Please, let me fuck your mom
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
