hotel room ftw
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
