I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
