I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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