Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
