can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
