No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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