My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
