It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
