There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
