Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
