i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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