I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
