She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize