I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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