we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
