I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
