If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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