you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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