you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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