i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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