he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
