well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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