I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
