I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
