Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
