i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
