Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
