i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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