I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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