I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
