I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
