he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
