I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
