Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
