He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
