Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
